TIDBITS & FIT-BYTES: Mary’s DWTS Season #23 Week 7 Analysis

Steve Cochran
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TIDBITS & FIT-BYTES: Mary’s DWTS Season #23 Week 7 Analysis

It’s ERA’s??? night. I couldn’t understand what Tom or Erin were saying, so I actually had to turn the word captions on!! So, the stars are dancing 2 dances in 2 hours with 1 elimination…got it? The only good news is – LEN IS BACK!! …and boy was he a little cranky-pants last night! Every time I looked at Erin Andrew’s dress, I tried to figure out what kind of tape was holding certain things together. At least that kept me from listening to her.

Let’s get on with the ERA dances…BTW, that means they’re each dancing to a dance from a certain era in time…not an Equal Rights Amendment theme!

LAURIE HERNANDEZ – 1960’S Quick Step
We were led to feel sorry for her since she’s never been to a prom (most of us haven’t either at age 16). Val looks like Austin Powers and Laurie gets a corsage and sports a big bun. Len is called a party-pooper when he says she lost technique, but others thought it was “zesty”. The judges all seem to expect more from the bubbly youngster.
34 pts.

RYAN LOCHTE – 1990’S Rumba
Yikes, I have to admit, he actually looked sexy in the tight pants and white half-opened shirt, but not much chemistry with Cheryl during the Aerosmith song. He’s starting to drown…even his fiancee showing up at practice can’t throw him a lifesaver.
28 pts.

MARILU HENNER – 1920’S Charleston
I guess she gets the oldest era since she’s the oldest one left (Julianne just had to point that out). She did a cutesy flapper number, but missed the ending. Does anyone else think it’s a little unfair since she was in a Broadway production of Chicago and had professional dance training while growing up ? (mom was a dance instructor).
29 pts.

Good Golly Mr. Calvin!! Miss Molly would be proud! It was awesome despite the fact he can’t point the toes on his huge feet because of so many ankle sprains. Effortless, fun, and sweaty as usual – best of the night! I want to dance with this date!
36 pts.

Bon Jovi was cringing during this train wreck. Artem had on the worst Axl Rose wig and he tripped over Marcia’s black dominatrix dress. She caught the mood though and finally covered her neck with a scarf! Unfortunately, she’s not improving and I think Artem has had enough drama.
28 pts.

TERRA JOLE – 1930’s Fox Trot
Julianne says it’s the first connection she feels the whole night, whatever that means. She danced “Cheek to Cheek” with Sasha or as she called it “Cheek to Chest” (I did not say that, she did). It was a beautiful dance and her husband brought her cute kids to practice, just to pull on your heart strings even more….
34 pts.

JANA KRAMER – 1970’S Samba
The psychedelic samba was a little weird with a lot of lurking about. Len said it had no content and kind of yelled at Gleb (with another bad wig situation). Gleb said after the dance it’s not a dance competition, it’s a TV show, which was not the brightest thing to say. Erin moved it along. Just like the 70’s, most people won’t remember this dance. Bring back the shower!
34 pts.

JAMES HINCHCLIFFE – 1940’S Jitterbug
Len called him G.I. Joe and wanted more jitterbug than jive. They looked quite the WW 11 dancing pair with great acting and smooth dancing. Loved it, but Sharna has a knee injury and had to jive with a knee brace…not good.
36 pts.

Bring on the Group Dance with only 20 minutes to spare! These are always the best choreographed numbers since the pros are under pressure and don’t have a lot of time.

TEAM 1 – TEAM PAST – James, Calvin, Ryan and Maureen
They struggled in practice with Maureen turning into tattle-tale Marcia and spying on the other team, but pulled it off with a beautiful, haunting, refreshing Viennese Waltz from the 1700’s.

TEAM 2 – TEAM FUTURE – Laurie, Marilu, Terra, and Jana
Marilu not only puts her foot in her mouth by saying they are all different heights (no kidding), but also wipes out during the dance. The tango/paso number is odd, but futuristic and Divergence-like (Julianne calls it), and a look at what dance could be when we live on Mars!

Team 1 won, but I sleepily forgot to write down the scores.

Oh….with one minute to spare and everyone rushing to get in their doomsday spots on stage…no surprise here….MAUREEN MCCORMICK gets the boot. It was either her or Ryan, who continues to sink to the bottom of the pool. That reminds me…..I’m out of the office pool now since I randomly picked Maureen. I’m betting on the Cubs instead. Could you just picture Joe Maddon on DWTS? He’d probably want to dance in his onesie or his “tip-toe through the tulips” blue suit….that would get him a 10 from Len.

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