The other side of the dentist story

Mrs. Jones brought her son Johnny to Dr. Tax N. Spend, our teacher union dentist...

Dr S: "Hello Mrs. Jones. That'll be $100 to start".

Mrs J: "$100", I said, "Why must I pay this? Doesn't the new state constitution guarantee free public dentistry for all?"

Dr S: "Why yes it does. But our last property tax referendum failed, so we've increased dental registration fees."

"Fine!" I said in disgust. "Now take care of Johnny".

Dr S: "Very well, Mrs. Jones. We'll start with a crown..."

Mrs J: "But Doctor, you haven't even looked as Johnny's teeth."

Dr S: "Its all right, mam. You see, our union fought hard to ensure that all children receive at least one crown by age 8. Its for the kids!"

Mrs J: "But Johnny doesn't need a crown, he needs braces!"

Dr S: "You're not a dentist, so you just don't understand! Don't you want what's best for your kids?"

Mrs J: "But isn't giving every child a crown whether they need it or not expensive?"

Dr S: "Yes it is, its just another one of those 'unfunded mandates' that's ruining dentistry! Now lets have a look..."

Johnny: "OW! That hurts!"

Mrs J: "Aren't you going to numb his teeth?"

Dr S: "Why bother? Thirty years ago, kids needed Novocain, but today's kids just aren't as good as yesterday's kids. They need more dentists per tooth. You're not a dentist, so you just don't understand!"

Mrs J: "This is ridiculous, how can we afford three dentists for only one child?

No wonder my property taxes are so high!"

Dr S: "What do you suggest, cutting it down to TWO dentists per child, or even worse, ONE?!? You must hate kids and not care about good teeth! Nobody can give a child quality dental work with such large patient class sizes!"

Mrs J: "The Lutheran dentist down the road can. Maybe I should go to him."

Dr S: "You'll have to pay $200 out-of-pocket to see a private dentist"

Mrs J: "That's outrageous! You get over $400 from my taxes, but they won't pay the less expensive better private dentist to do the same work?"

Dr S: "Parental choice is dangerous. We need to maintain separation of church and state. Parental choice will deprive public dentistry of much needed funding! Besides, you're not a dentist. How could you possibly know what's best for your children's teeth?"

Mrs J: "So what you're saying is, even though I'm paying taxes to the Dental District, I have to accept your practice regardless of quality? You're a horrible dentist, they should take away your license."

Dr S: "No such luck. I've been practicing dentistry for four years now, so I can't be fired. I can ruin your child's dental future, and there's nothing you can do about it, unless you'd like to buy me off with early retirement."

Mrs J: "So we should reward you for being a bad dentist by allowing you to retire early?"

Dr S: "Sure. Heck, who wants to wait until their 55 years old! Getting rid of bad dentists is good for the kids' teeth."

Mrs J: "Oh, this is depressing. So when can my daughter come in, she has a terrible tooth ache?"

Dr S: "We don't know. We're on strike, and we'll stay on strike until we get every penny of the 18% raise we deserve!"

Mrs J: "18%?!? You'll never get that!"

Dr S: "Don't be so sure. My wife is on the Dental Board, and the president of the Dental Board also sells dental supplies in town. The strike should be short."

Mrs J: "I guess I have no choice but to let Kelly suffer until your strike is over. Goodbye."

Dr S: "Goodbye. Don't forget to grab one of our 'Vote YES' pamphlets on your way out. The District is short on funding, and the kids need your support!"