Amy Guth and Jen Bosworth: The Twelve Months of the News Year

Jen Bosworth and Amy Guth (Sara Tieman / WGN Radio)

At the 2017 WGN Radio Holiday Spectacular, Amy Guth and Jen Bosworth performed The Twelve Months of the News Year.

Parody lyrics by Amy Guth

On the first month of the news year
The news cycle gave to me:
A president tweeting each night at three

On the next month of the news year
The news cycle gave to me:
Two Oscars swapped
A president tweeting each night at three

On the third month of the news year
The news cycle gave to me:
Standing rock pipeline
Two Oscars swapped
A president tweeting each night at three

On the fourth month of the news year
The news cycle gave to me:
Comey gets the boot
Standing Rock pipeline
Two Oscars swapped
A president tweeting each night at three

On the fifth month of the news year
The news cycle gave to me:
Aaaaalternative facts!
Comey gets the boot
Standing rock pipeline
Two Oscars swapped
And a president tweeting “covfefe”

On the sixth month of the news year
The news cycle gave to me:
Kelly Anne’s in hiding
Alternative fact!
Comey testifies
Standing rock pipeline
Two Oscars swapped
A president tweeting each night at three

On the next month of the news year
The news cycle gave to me:
Spicer needs a job
Kelly Anne’s in hiding
Aaaalternative facts!
Comey testifies
Standing rock pipeline
Two Oscars swapped
A president tweeting each night at three

On the eighth month of the news year
The news cycle gave to me:
Whoa! That big-ass eclipse!
Spicer needs a job
Kelly Anne’s in hiding
Are we faaaake news? (Nope!)
Comey testifies
Standing rock pipeline
Two Oscars swapped
A president tweeting each night at three

On the ninth month of the news year
The news cycle gave to me:
No Paris Agreement
Whoa! That big eclipse!
Spicer needs a job
Kelly Anne’s in hiding
We’rrrrre not faaaake news!
Comey testified
Standing rock pipeline
Two Oscars swapped
And the football players taking a knee

On the tenth month of the news year
The news cycle gave to me:
Hillary’s got a book
Whoa! That big eclipse!
Spicer needs a job
Kelly Anne’s in hiding
It’s not faaaake news!
Comey testified
Standing rock pipeline
Two Oscars swapped
A president tweeting each night at three

On the next month of the news year
The news cycle gave to me:
Eleventy-billion fidget spinners
Hillary’s got a book
Whoa! That big eclipse!
Spicer needs a job
Kelly Anne’s in hiding
Facebook’s faaaake news!
Comey testified
Standing rock pipeline
Two Oscars swapped
A president tweeting each night at three

On the last month of the news year
The news cycle gave to me:
Prince Harry’s off the market
All those fidget spinners
Hillary’s got a book
Whoa! That big eclipse!
Spicer needs a job
Kelly Anne’s in hiding
kinda wish someofitwaaaas fake news
Comey testified
Standing rock pipeline
Two Oscars swapped
A president tweeting each night at three