TIDBITS & FIT-BYTES: Mary’s DWTS Season #23 Week #2 Analysis

Mary Van De Velde

Mary Van De Velde

By:

Mary Van De Velde

I didn’t realize I’d have to devote 4 hours of my TV life to DWTS this week! I mean, come on….it’s the first week of all the new TV shows…ridiculous! Speaking of TV…that’s the theme for the week: dancing to TV theme songs. Gee, I wonder what Maureen McCormick will be dancing to?

Anyway, with the clicker fast-forwarding as much as possible…here we go!
By the way, someone WAS finally booted out at 8:59 p.m. Stay tuned…

First to dance (speaking of), Maureen McCormick – “here’s the story”..haha
Marcia Marcia was much improved doing the quick step, but what’s with the neck? Being 60 is no excuse for wrinkles anymore…bring on the L’Essence neck cream and does she need Mommy Florence always holding her hand?
26 points

Jana Kramer – The “One Tree Hill” country girl has unbelievable flexibility with her gorgeous long legs. The chemistry continues with Gleb, the former underwear model.
29 points

Governor Rick Perry – He danced/walked to the “Green Acres” theme with a rhinestone pitchfork. Not too bad and Emma looked a lot like Eva Gabor. Good thing he went to kiss his wife in the audience afterward.
22 points

Calvin Johnson Jr. – Hilarious as Urkel from “Family Matters”. He was too cute doing the foxtrot, but almost hurt himself snapping the suspenders. The real Urkel, Jaleel White surprised him afterward.
28 points

Amber Rose – Clunked around in cowboy-style boots to the “Game of Thrones” theme. New meaning to bootie-call….sorry I’m obsessed with that derriere. Maks has his hands full literally…
24 points

Jake T. Austin – I still have no clue who he is! I guess a child actor on a Nickelodeon show. Rushed through his cha cha, but he’s a cute kid who won’t get much further in the show.
24 points

Vanilla Ice – Len called it a “thrilla from Vanilla”, but I thought he walked (not rapped this time) through the “Love and Marriage” dance. Carrie Ann Inaaaaaaba called him out for lip-synching.
26 points

Terra Jole – She twitched her nose like the real Samantha in “Bewitched” and the magic worked. The star of “Little Women in L.A” ruled the floor with her quickstep. Size won’t stop her!
31 points

Kenny “Baby Face” Edmonds – Tangoed to the “X-Files”…weird song, but very mysterious and good. Inaaaaba called it “yummy”. He’ll stay a long time.
30 points

Laurie Hernandez – another cutesy routine… this one a jive to “Ducktails” with little pom pons on her shoes. I’m getting tired of the 16-year-old saying that being on DWTS is her second dream come true (first being gold medal in Olympics). What’ll she do with the rest of her life?
32 points

James Hinchcliff – Indy driver who looks more like a “Downton Abbey” actor who paso-dobled to “The Walking Dead”. He reminds me of another driver, Helio Castroneves, who drove away with the mirror ball.
29 points

Marilu Henner – the music to “Taxi’ was the worst of the night. The best choreographer, Derek Hough, couldn’t even think of what kind of fox trot steps to do to it. Marilu is quite graceful and has calmed down after a giddy start.
29 points

Ryan Lochte – dressed as a green dude dancing to the “Muppet Show” music, It was a little over-produced and klutzy. After last week’s debacle with the protestors, he tearfully said he’s “never quitting”, but found himself “in jeopardy”.
24 points

Finally after almost 4 hours of dance and watching no-name singers take the stage, Jake T. Austin was the first to be booted out of season #23 at the young age of 21. Three strikes against him: no one knew him, no one knew his new pro dancer Jenna, and everyone knew he just wasn’t a good dancer.

Until next week…”on with the dance!” (let’s just hope it’s shorter next week).